If you have never experienced couples counselling before, it can be a daunting thing to enter into. It’s not always how it looks on the TV either.

People realise it’s time for couples counselling when relationship problems arise, such as continuously arguing about the same thing, feeling disconnected, lack of trust and betrayals and other issues.

If your relationship needs help or even a tune up, consider relationship counselling, rather than letting things get worse to the demise of the union. Couples counselling really doesn’t have to be a last resort, it can form a part of any healthy relationship.

‘True love is not a hide and seek game: in true love, both lovers seek each other,’ Michael Bassey Johnson.

Couples counselling will involve both parties and generally an in person session works best, although we can arrange Skype or phone counselling.

Here are some of the steps that you can expect at couples counselling:

1. You will both be asked your point of view on what it is that you have come to counselling for.
2. Each person will share their side of the story about what is going on for them.
3. You will be listened to and no one side is taken or preferred. No one will be the “wrong” party or the “right” party.
4. Both people will be encouraged to be compassionate to the other partner all whilst fostering compassion for the underlying causes of the unhelpful behaviours that inhibit the relationship.
5. There will be education about communication and you will learn each other’s communication and learning style.
6. You will learn about verbal and non verbal communication in general.
7. Each person will come to understand how you hear and receive love and how your partner hears and receives love. Surprisingly, our partners may not want to be loved in the same ways that we do. Often, we give what we want to receive, but so often this is not what the other partner wants or needs. Couples counselling can really help to untangle this.
8. Discovering how to communicate what you actually want and need and how you want to be shown love is integral to the couples counselling process. Each partner can learn how to communicate this to the other.
9. You will learn how to move from expectations to agreements in your relationship. Expectations are usually unspoken and can become toxic, whereas agreements foster healthy communication.

Outcomes of couples counselling

Often at the core of relationship problems, there is either broken trust and/or one or both partners feeling unheard or unseen by the other. Couples counselling is designed to enable couples to truly hear and see each other and to rebuild trust.

Although there’s no hard and fast rule when it comes to how many sessions you will need, you can expect to learn a few tools and insights after a few sessions.

My couples counselling style

After decades in the industry, I deeply understand how important it is that I work with an understanding of attachment styles. I also am passionate and well researched in love addiction and codependency.

I work with an understanding of masculine and feminine energies and how these energies can be blocked or stuck in individuals and how this then affects us in relationships. I help couples to understand their unique magnetic balance with each other. The masculine and feminine (also known as yin and yang) parts of a relationship that need expression and balance. But so often the yin and yang are in a power struggle rather than a fluid, harmonic and rewarding dance. Honouring and understanding the feminine and masculine energies in yourself and in your relationship (this is still evident in same sex/non binary relationships) is key and meditative processes, embodiment practices and external resources such as books and programs are all part of how I help couples in this unique way.

I welcome all types of couples and am experienced in providing couples counselling to members of the LGBTQIA community. Start living in a healthy relationship today by booking a counselling appointment now.